Time travel in a ship

This summer I have seen my mode of travel through this aspect of time as a ship.  The image that comes to mind is specifically more akin to The Star of India in San Diego, or Captain Jacks Black Pearl.  Large ships of this kind move slowly through the water and because of the vast expanse of water often I think it feels like they move slowly, although I have no experience of this kind.  Sometimes in the sea they encounter storms, terrible storms.  Sometimes during these storms the ship and it's crew must work together to survive.  Sometimes it feels like they may never reach their destination-land. That's where I find myself.  It feels like I keep fighting battles and each day it's a new battle and a new strategy. 

I moved to this community in February after finding a job in January.  By the end of March I had lost the job.  This came after searching diligently for work for about nine months.  I was initially excited about being in New Braunfels.  I found a couple of local coffee shops I was looking forward to frequenting and meeting locals.  I had been enjoying visiting the local farmer's market with the local produce and hand made goods.  I was looking forward to friends visiting and floating the Guadalupe River with them.  Gruene Dance Hall beckons my name and calls to me.  I was looking forward to my first "real" job after earning my masters degree.   So much to look forward to, but I was scared too.  My brother suggested it was exciting "like riding your bike down a hill for the first time and letting go of the handlebars."  In deed he was right, he is so wise!!

I was devistated when I lost the job.  What now?  I had been out looking for work in the past and I can do it again.  I still had my notebook with all the information I gathered for the job search (names and contact information for references, places I had applied, addresses, phone numbers and salaries for previous positions, etc).  My grandfather Vrubel is known for having said to get up, dust yourself off and get back on.  So, here goes.  My ship is back in the water setting sail for a land I have no idea where it will take me and when I'll reach that destination.  Not knowing has been difficult. 

I have a great support system that has helped me and advocated for me as I move through all those stages of grief.  Sometimes it's hard when I am angry about the loss.  My former employer often talked about being a theologian, but then he asked me to lie to a client.  This has been one aspect of the loss that has been hard for me to wrestle with.  My hip hurts in the midst of the struggle.  I have found myself often asking what lesson I need to learn so I can move on. 

I have re-invented my job search so many times.  Sometimes I concentrate on finding a position in my field of study and other times I focus on finding some survival job.  I struggle with ways to find a position where I can earn hours as a counseling intern, regardless of whether the position pays.  The places I keep looking to for that survival job won't consider me since I have a Masters Degree, so finally I don't acknowledge the higher ed.  It took me six years to earn this Masters Degree and last week I considered walking away from it to learn the heating and air conditioning business.  Doesn't that sound sexy? 

I have found it difficult to continue to live in this town, but am very grateful I am not tied to any lease or mortgage!!  Grateful my house is on wheels!!  I have found that Gruene Dance Hall has free shows.  Approximately a month ago I went to one of those free shows to hear Van Wilks, a musician whom I really enjoy.  I could not find anyone to go with me, but that's common.  I really enjoyed the show.  His music fed my soul.  It's what I might consider Electric Blues and rock style.  He has songs that make me laugh and if I think about some of them long they may make me cry.   I had a great visit with Mr. Wilks that night. 

Some of the things I had hoped to accomplish in this town may never happen.  I hope to get to a place where I am able to enjoy the community for what it has to offer instead of being so angry and bitter.  I have yet to find a trail where I can go hiking or go for a run. 

I know things are going to turn around.  I know my ship will reach land and that land will be lush. 

(Several years ago I visited my Aunt in San Diego.  Her friend and I conjured up a plan to commondeer the Star of India.  I have a great photo of this amazing ship, but haven't been able to access it, so if you want to see photos of here you'll have to use your favorite search engine.)